While I may not be the best person to speak on relationships… this has to be heard. I was recently on an online dating platform, Plenty of Fish aka POF. While swiping mostly left, I found one that made me want to swipe right.. a keeper.. So i did, i swiped right and we began online conversation.
This guy seemed to really fit the bill for me and I even got a little bit excited about it because, well… The struggle is real to find a man that fits my bill. So he was dashing and sweet via POF messages. Phone numbers were exchanged and text conversation began. I was persistently asked if i was fake, if my profile on POF was fake. After constant reassurance, I encouraged a telephonic call to really clear this fake/real mess up and to further evaluate connection with this gentleman.
” so like every woman on there has been fake or flaky or has disappeared. “- pof user I was talking to…. this was the first thing out of his mouth… so he went wrong starting this. IT was a complete Turn OFF out the gate of voice communication. The negativity just poured from this guys mouth, it was down right miserable to talk to him.. until he said a few things that light my fire internally and we are not talking about a sexy fire.
As the conversation continued he said ” I should have married her two years ago when I had the chance ” .. he was referring to a woman from back east somewhere and well i only know this because ( insert sarcasm) got to listen to him talk about her A LOT. If hearing a potential date talk about wanting to marry a woman from his past wasn’t bad enough… he said something that not only hit home, but was like an inferno to me.
” all of the women around here ( four corners area) are completely broken, they come from broken homes, broken families, then they get married and have multiple children with multiple dads and they are just broken and worthless” – POF user.
This being said , had me pipe up quickly with steam rolling out my ears. If you don’t know me, go read my bio really quick. IF you DO know my story, you understand why this sent me straight down pissed off lane. I Stopped him from continuing to speak, i interjected with “excuse me, that was the most judgemental thing i have ever heard come out of anyones mouth. Just because someone comes from a effed up childhood, or broken mess of a family that does NOT mean they are broken.
While I can completely agree and rationalize the fact that most people who come from this type of life, do have some level of brazenness that they need to work through. I USED to be completely broken, i am not completely “fixed” but good graciousness i did not and no one does, deserve to be so heavily judged with such little information on the table.
I encourage all of us, to lower our judgment shields and take some time to really get to know the people who cross your path. BE patient, BE kind. Do NOT pass Judgement especially on something someone has NO control over…
Little did this guy know.. I used to be broken, I am not any more, and my children are all from my first marriage, all have the same daddy and surprise to this pof user, I am fairly successful in my life and happily a little broken.
” with out things being off or broken, what on earth would we have to work on?”- Tineka Dawn